I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
