So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
