Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
