no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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