Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
