Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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