I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
