yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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