They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
