Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
