Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You took a bar mat shot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
