After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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