i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
