Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
