exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
