Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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