His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
