So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
