I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
