"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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