Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
