so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
