I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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