so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You can't motorboat a personality
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
