A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
