The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
