My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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