so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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