I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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