basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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