Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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