Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
