She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
