we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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