idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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