i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
