Pregnant stripper...not hot.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
