I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
