so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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