thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
