Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
