Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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