this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize