You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
