Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
