your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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