dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
