Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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