this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
