I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
